Sunday, June 3, 2012

addictions...or not?

We are out of town, enjoying some lovely family time and enjoying even less access to the Internet than we have at home. Yesterday, I was surprised to realize that I had spent a few hours online without a break. I was only catching up on emails and the news but it was easy to let my time drift by without much thought.

We often hear someone say they are addicted to Facebook or their son is addicted to video games. We chuckle a bit because it sounds silly--addicted!--but we do know what it means. It means someone has trouble staying away and once started, has trouble breaking away. Time spent online slips through our fingers too easily. There is always one more link to click, one more level to try. There is no end of the book, no last page of the newspaper. 

The same with porn: always one more link, one more image. There is no end to pornography online. There is no end to free pornography online. Pornography is ubiquitous but it isn't quite socially acceptable--you may hear people joke about porn but you won't hear anyone talk about staying up all night with it. You won't hear someone say they chose to skip the family barbecue because they wanted to spend more time with porn...but that is exactly what happens when someone is addicted to porn. They make choices based on whether they can spend time with porn. "You and the kids go ahead without me," is a way to make sure of time alone with porn. No one talks about that part of porn use. We hear only the raw jokes about porn that show we are only entertained by it, that we don't take it too seriously.

This is a kind of addiction, even when we are reluctant to recognize it formally the way drug addiction or alcohol addiction is recognized. Addiction to porn? That's just a sleazeball's excuse! To my mind, it doesn't matter what we call it. What matters is how we deal with it. Is there a way for someone to find help if they want to stop? When a porn user crosses the line from legal porn to illegal porn--child porn--his ability to ask for help is practically eliminated. Anywhere he goes for help, he runs the risk of getting turned in. He is left alone with pornography and his secret.

This is no way to stop the use of child pornography. 


The Squishy Vegan said...

You sure like to paint your husband as the victim in all of this, don't you? He is NOT a victim. He has a sickness, no doubt, but I'm pretty sure that the young, abused, exploited children are the victims in this situation. Your kids are victims because of the stigma they will have to carry, the knowledge of who there father is, the knowledge that their mother is a co-dependent enabler who was so concerned with herself and her POS husband that there wasn't room for anyone else. You put all of this out there for the world to read, this is the response you get. People telling you over and over and over: LADY, YOU ARE WRONG.

dalitning said...

YOU, Sir/Madam, are nasty. You may be squishy and/or a vegan, and you are a nasty one. How dare you make such assumptions as those you've stated? Specifically, "the young, abused, exploited children" are the victims? Yes, they are ... but not of people who view their pictures. The children depicted in child porn are the victims of those who exploited them and made films of them, NOT the third party, arm's length, across the world in a big viral internet world viewers of said images. Punishing the consumers of child porn will not work any more than punishing the person who smokes a joint in the park and charging them with drug dealing!! if you want to end child porn or drug dealing, stop it at the source. Not the consumer end. This person is being candid about her reality, her life and her suffering. I would think as a person who elects not to participate in consumption of animals or killing of animals for food ...that you would GET that. Her kids are victims, because society makes them victims by labeling their father long after he has paid for his mistake with money and his own most precious resource ...time. I wish this woman healing, and you too, S.V. The so called "co dependent enabler" has my admiration and respect for her courage. You ...not so much.

rolias_mot said...

Dear Squishy Vegan,
Stop taking your guilt out on other people. Whatever your shameful secret is, get help. Accept responsibility for your actions, get counseling, then move on. Otherwise you will continue to lash out at every person that passes you that you can "justify" being worse than you. This is what bullies do. They put others down so they feel like they are not at the bottom, but in reality, they have put themselves below the bottom.

To the woman who writes these journal entries,
I hope you and your family finds resolution from all the pain and suffering you are going thru. I know any addiction stems from a lack of fulfillment in one's life, whether the lack be from abuse when younger, which almost always seems to be a part of it from what I've seen, or just not knowing how to deal with current situations now, addictions stem from that lack, our desperate need to fill that hole. I pray the Lord's comfort and blessing over you and yours, and that you and your husband may someday find the intimacy that might be lacking, that both of you can fully find and appreciate each other in your marriage. As a guy, I know all to well the temptations that can grab my attention, and as a husband, I know all too well how easy it is to become complacent. I have had to learn to be completely honest with myself and my wife, and train myself to love her and appreciate her in body mind and spirit. Its a tough battle, especially with all of life's distractions. My heart goes out to you and yours. God bless you!