Sunday, October 7, 2012

how do YOU treat families of sex offenders?

Welcome to the GOMI mommy crowd. I see you all hyperventilating over there. Some of you have left  comments, including this particularly charming one:
You're husband is a disgusting pervert How on earth can you want anything to do with a man than thinks sexualisation and/or sexual abuse of innocent children is a turn on. He should be shot. I honestly what kind of desperate women would actually want to stand by his side when that is the kind of person he has become. (My emphasis.)
You are not the only one who thinks sex offenders should be shot, of course, and--lucky for people like you--the sex offender registry makes it so much easier to accomplish your goal. Your comment says volumes about what kind of a person you are. Stay away from my family.

If you are curious, I have written about what kind of person my husband has become. You should all be so lucky to be married to someone as strong as he is.

While you are here, look around at some of my other posts. I talk about all kinds of things on my blog, including how I feel about the victims of child porn, how I feel about child porn, and why child porn laws don't prevent child abuse,

Sex offenders and their families are people just like you, though maybe not so bloodthirsty nor so judgmental. We want to be able to deal with private demons privately. We want to live without a target on our address. We want the offender to be able to become a better person and leave the past behind. And the big one, we want our children to be able to go to school and not have to deal with comments like the one above. I don't want them to hear that their dad is a "disgusting pervert."

I do not know yet what kind of torment the kids will encounter. I read about other sex offender families who have to change schools because their children have become targets of students and teachers who think bullying the sex offender's kids is somehow okay, and I worry that our children's lives will be turned inside out. And before any of you purse your self-righteous lips and say, Well your husband brought this on you, I will say that people like you are the ones who choose to say nasty things about sex offenders and their families. People like you let that attitude filter down to your own children so they can repeat it at school.

You all like to say that you are all about protecting children. Every child but mine, that is?

Show me I'm wrong. Support my family in our efforts to remain a strong family, to come out of this horrible nightmare safely and sanely.


Anonymous said...

"You all like to say that you are all about protecting children. Every child but mine, that is?"

YOU are the parent of your child. Why don't you focus on protecting them? I worry about protecting my kids which is why I don't want perverts like your husband out there.

I don't understand how you could stick by someone who thinks a picture of a child being abused or a naked child is something to get off on. What type of man wants to look at pictures of children being sexually abused?

You had no idea he was doing this before. So how on earth do you think you will ever really know if he is secretly taking pervy photos of your kids or still looking at other peoples kids.

Everyone has a right to know who these perverts are. I hope your kids are too young to know what a sick pervert he is.

Anonymous said...

First of all being GUILTY and being investigated are two different things! Just because he is arrested and being charged does NOT mean he is guilty. Has he even been given a fair trial? Has he even had the chance to tell his side of the story. Our judicial system is not always just! If u check it out, it is not illegal for the cops to lie about evidence they may or may not have, just to railroad someone! Please remember innocent until PROVEN guilty!

Anonymous said...

You are wrong. Sex offenders are not like me. I don't support people who get pleasure by hurting other, even more if they are children.
You are sick, and you want to pretend you have a perfect life and family, when you are married and want to protect a pervert. Yes a pervert, that is the word for him.

Anonymous said...

Best way to protect your kids? Get them the fuck away from that pervert.

They WILL be bullied for his being their dad if you stay with him.

Worse is they might be molested. Might already have been.

It's been shown again and again, these people RARELY change. And how would you know, since you didn't know before.

2nd anonymous above - yeah sure. All those many, many images just got there on his computer all by themselves...

L. said...

Yeah I had a sex offender in my family who molested and raped me as a child. And oh yeah, took pictures. So I know what sex offenders and their families look like...a woman who cares more about her status as a wife than the good of her children and her community. And that messes with kids' minds and spirits almost as much as the crime.

Here's what you don't seem to get. Your husband not only is turned on by pictures of kids being raped and molested and permanently traumatized and damaged but he chose to devote hours of his time and probably money to pursuing this on the Internet. Instead of thinking about your kids and your family he amassed enough child porn to bring law enforcement down. That is hours and hours and hours of getting aroused by and thinking about and reaching out over the net to find shit showing kids being fondled, stripped, raped and made powerless, turning their natural impulses to please, love and be loved into vile sexual acts for the pleasure of sick, sick adults.

That is what child porn is. That is what he did. That is what you are supporting.

L. said...

And P.S. It is absolute B.S. that there is no relationship between child porn and abuse. Not just because it is abusive to create it, and using it is justifying it over and over...but because of people like you, who make it hard for the victims. You are teaching your kids, and the kids in your family and community that hey, it's okay, it's not really a crime if the child wasn't right there. Do you have any clue what it is like for a child to look for help? For a young adult to come to terms with the question "how did this happen to me?"

You need to help your kids know their safety is paramount. That predators like your husband --and he is, stalking these images -- have given up the right to live among children. You have an obligation to them and to God to protect not just their bodies but their spirits.

Fuck said...
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Really? said...

" I will say that people like you are the ones who choose to say nasty things about sex offenders and their families."

So you'd prefer us to say uplifting things like "oh don't worry, what he did was harmless and was just exhibiting in a little tiny bit of harmless fun to satiate his urges?" Are you SERIOUS? I'm sorry that the fact - yes FACT - that your husband is a deplorable person (still a person) with sick and twisted urges towards children doesn't fit into your wannabe happy life of joy and perfection but when a person is hoarding and using hundreds of photos of children being abused as his wank fodder then there really isn't anything else to say other than "this is terrible. I have children. I need to protect them."

L has put it so much more eloquently than I but at the end of the day, you have the facts and are choosing to ignore them because what? You don't want to be alone? I think it's so sad that you'd rather your children had a paedophile for a father than no father at all.

six said...

people, don't waste your energy, this is definitely a pedophile posing as a woman. read between the lines of the blog posts, "she" spreads very subtle classic pedophile propaganda. in their mind, their sexual orientation is as normal as being gay, and it is just our stupid society with our stupid laws that prohibit relationships between adulds and children, because you know, children have a sexual desire too and they WANT this.

kettx said...

Even if your husband doesn't physically abuse children, your husband is still a piece of shit who jacks off to images of children being sexually abused. Your point is moot. Fuck you.

Marcella said...

You do realize that by your husband possessing those images he creates a market for them? That is, he contributes to the distribution of images and propels the "market" for child pornography forward. Supply and demand. His possession of images means that more children are cruelly and unnecessarily coerced, manipulated and abused in the industry he seemingly supports.
Also, if you're so concerned with protecting your family, maybe you should stop posting on a blog and take care of them.
What you're doing, the person you are, boggles even my most open minded of minds.
What your husband did is illegal, immoral, reprehensible and deserving of no compassion (whether you feel it is or not). He's wrong, and no amount of blogging will ever make what he did right or ok. His actions are and forever will be a disgusting mark on his life.

Tabetha said...

Exactly Marcella! Well said. And I agree, if this blogger wants to protect her own children, perhaps not speaking about what is going on would be a better choice.

In all seriousness, I strongly suggest you {the blogger} get some help for yourself & your children. It is fairly clear that your husband has you completely confused about this situation.

Emily said...

I feel sorry for your children, not only because their father is sexually attracted towards their peer groups (and probably them as well) but because you make excuses for him instead of doing your job as a mother and protecting them. They will grow to resent you because you failed them when they needed you most. I hope they get removed from your home and placed with adults who are trustworthy, because that seems to be the only way they will get help.

If sick slime balls like your husband weren't creating a market for child porn, then it wouldn't be readily available. Your arguments are null and void, and you deserve all the hate mail you're surely receiving right now.

How can you be attracted to a man that gets hard and masturbates to children being tortured and abused? You two sick f...s deserve each other, but your kids deserve a real family, with parents who don't get turned on by their bodies.

Mouthwash said...
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C said...

This certainly seems to be a heartbreaking situation for you and your family. I can only imagine how torn you must feel and I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in this situation.

Having to deal with the stigma attached to this particular crime on top of everything else you are going through must be incredibly difficult. I think you have been very brave and I wish you and your kids the best.

Take care.

Peter Pulanski said...

Couldn't have said it better myself. Shame on you. You should have removed yourself and your children away from that monster the SECOND you found out about this. You disgust me!

Emily said...

God, I hope you're a troll. If not, you are a sad excuse for a mother, and I hope they get out of the horrible situation you have let them remain in. If their father abuses them, I hope you recognize that you are partially responsible. I feel physically sick for them.

Goodnight said...

I'm truly sorry that you're in such deep denial. I was deeply saddened to see you're from Australia, and I'm glad that there IS a sex offender registry so I can stay far away from your family - you concern me just as much as your husband, if not more so. Paedophiles are probably sick, they need treatment, but you're not a paedophile - presumably - so why on earth are you defending CP in the way that you have? How can any mother with children at the age their alleged paedophile husband lusts after bring herself to let them near him? Your children need therapy whether he has touched them or not. Living with the stigma is THEIR cross to bare, not yours, since you're choosing to defend him. How dare you burden them.

I hope your kids are truly getting help, so that if any abuse did occur, it will come to light. I am not willing to say that your husband is a paedophile until the courts pronounce him such, but you and your position on this topic are made perfectly clear and it speaks volumes about who YOU are as a person.

I don't think paedophiles should be shot, but I absolutely think the public has the right to stay away from convicted paedophiles. They committed a crime and have to live with the consequences. I don't think sex offender laws are perfect, but every time paedophiles access CP they know they risk being tracked down and exposed and they choose to roll that dice, so I have zero sympathy for them when they are found out, sick or not.

Ann said...

This is all so sick. Are you truly naive enough to believe your pedophile husband hasn't sexually abused your kids???


Jaye-Dallas said...
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Mary said...

If you are truly concerned about how your children will fare, I might suggest you take this time to choose their welfare over their father's and leave him, change your name, and remove them from the aegis of shame that his actions might cause them. They did not have a choice in what has happened to their family; their father DID have a choice of whether to do something he knew was illegal thereby endangering his entire family. If my husband did such a thing I would be outraged: its bad enough that he finds children sexually attractive, but how DARE he put me and my children in such a tenuous position? I get that you love your husband and you seem to be desperately attempting to save him. I am concerned that you are valuing him more than your own children. He is an adult, he can help himself. Your children have no one but you.

Mellie said...

Sorry if this comment goes through twice. I am very sorry for what your children are going through. I hope you find the strength to do the right thing for them. I also hope you consider reading the accounts of two women who have blogged their ways through situations similar to yours: and I will be thinking of your children.

Unknown said...

This is a fake blog to either lure other pedophiles via a sting operation or for a pedophile to gain personal contacts. Note the Blogger labels. If you are genuinely concerned, don't waste your time, as it's not a real situation.

If you are a pedophile looking to make new friends, well you just may have, only not the ones you were looking for. Because if this blog is NOT a sting, I've reported it to Blogger for Child Abuse, and Child Pornography. EVERYONE'S IP's/Data has been collected.

jill said...

Where has his wife (or anyone else) ever claimed his innocence? Surely if there were a grain of hope in that, then this basketcase would be clinging to it.

GRoberts74 said...

First of all, if you want to bring God into this, know that he forgives all who ask for forgiveness, and as this blogger has made clear, her husband has done just that.

Also, there are many types and levels of pornography. Therefore it should go without saying that there are many types and levels of child pornography as well. A large percentage of child pornography is self-administered. Meaning that there are many teenagers out there who post things like this on the internet, because they want to. Even if in the future that teenager might regret what they had done, they can only blame themselves for making that choice.

If you think that if there wasn't a "demand" for this, then it wouldn't exist, then, frankly, stuff it. This blogger has made an excellent point in that many in possession of child pornography have been put behind bars or have restricted access to the internet. The number of this kind of sex offender is decreasing, and has done nothing to ebb the amount of child pornography being put out.

The people who coerce children to do things and then photograph them, should be put in jail, I agree. But let's be clear about what the writer is talking about. I don't think that anything described as "mild" would include anything so terrible.

Don't be so quick to judge a person. It doesn't take long to do research on a subject that you previously have apparently only scratched the surface of.

Sophie Piper said...

So, I a few of the comments posted and I need to say this. I support your decision to stick by your husband. It's sick that families of sex offenders get treated like this. In many ways they are another type of victim.
No one is forcing anyone to stay with a sex offender so if someone choose to then THAT SHOULD BE RESPECTED. And if a "pervert" is admitting there is a problem and is seeking help than people should back off that takes a lot of guts. In no way am i saying that Child pornography is okay. It disgusting and the children ARE VICTIMS AND WILL BE TRAUMATIZED, but is ruining a family and traumatizing kids while they go to school going to help anything?? NO!
It just ruins more lives.

Anonymous said...

This year our family met a young man, When he was 19 yrs old, he thought he was dating a girl, when her father found out, he pressed charges and had him put in jail for 2 yrs. And he was sentenced with having to register as a sex offender for life. Really what was the crime? The crime is him being hunted down like a dog for the rest of his life, a detective who despises registered sex offenders has arrested him 3x already, and now he is in jail again, despite his circumstances, he is treated like a harden criminal. All because he did not know better than to date a younger girl. People don't realize it, it is happening daily, and it is not about justice but the all might dollar. The money it is bringing into the prison systems. To make a phone call needs a $25 deposit which $4.95 is kept for processing fee, and $3 first minute. Many turn their heads. People who have the ability to change the laws look the other way, they want to remain popular with the public. He should not have been jailed in the first place, and he is not the only one.

D said...

Hi I would appreciate help in writing a letter to my sister. Her husband has been charged with two counts of child molestation against his step granddaughter. They have been married 35 years and when their granddaughter came forward claiming abuse my sisters daughter said it had happened to her when she was young too. My sister is choosing to stand by her husband, distancing herself from daughter and granddaughter, who she was always close to before all this. This whole event is tearing their family apart. I am worried about my sister, as I feel she is a victim of sorts too. I want to let her know that i am there for her and love her but she has told me that if I can't stand by her and her husband then I am not there for her. Please if someone has an idea of word I can use to let her know I am there for her and love her please share them with me!

Marie said...

D, your sister's family must be in a great deal of pain and there isn't much guidance out there to help them through. First things first: I hope the step-granddaughter has the calm, loving support she needs to deal with what happened. "Calm, loving support" means something other than falling apart because the child's life is ruined. Her life is not ruined and don't let anyone tell you it is. She may have a difficult time but with time and love, she will be okay.

Now that your brother-in-law's misdeeds have been exposed, he has a much MUCH better chance of coming to terms with what he did. When the abuse was hidden, there was no chance for him to get help to deal with it. If your sister sees that he is repentant and that he wants to change, he will need support to stay the course.

Your sister is caught in a terrible middle between a husband who did wrong and a daughter and step-daughter who were wronged. Not only that, she has other people pulling at her, telling her how she should feel about what happened. She has chosen a difficult path. Leaving her husband would be the easy choice because her family and friends would support her fully in that choice. A family consensus that condemns what she chooses to do, though, is not respectful or kind.

Your sister needs someone she can talk to, someone who accepts her choice, someone else who recognizes that her husband can be redeemed. If you can do that for her, you could quite literally save her life. Write her and tell her you love her and support her choice. Acknowledge her fear. Tell her that she is never out of your thoughts and that she can talk to you anytime. [Caveat: She should refrain from discussing details of the crime with anyone other than her attorney.]

Call her, ask how she's feeling, ask about her husband, ask about the daughter and step-granddaughter, listen to her rant and rave and sound a bit crazy. Let her grieve. What happened to her is desperately sad and it will take her a very long time to get through it. She may end up losing her family at the same time she loses her husband to prison. That thought must terrify her.

Keep in touch with her. Don't gossip about the situation, even/especially with other family members. Send her "thinking of you" cards. Send him "thinking of you" cards. Assuming the charges are true, he did something bad. That does not mean he is beyond hope. The more the world stays with him, the better his chances of being a better person.

Remember that supporting her--or him--does not mean that you are okay with what happened. She will not see your support that way and he will not, either.

If you want to talk further, please feel free to email me directly.

God is with you, D.

Jean H said...


Many people think you can only support the offender or the victim; that when you pick one, you are against the other. This isn't true. This may be why there is such a divide in her family, as they feel she is picking him over her granddaughter.

She may be supporting him as she sees how sorrowful he is for his actions, and want to help support him in his rehabilitation, so he never offends again.

Tell your sister that you know that she is making a difficult choice, one that many don't understand, but you support her decision, and you want to be there to help them both through this trying time, just as you want to be there for your niece and her family. Just be there for all of them.

Angela Henderson said...

Right. Like teaching your kids it's alright to sexually molest someone.

Linda Jordan said...

I am astounded at the words I have read on here today. The ONLY words I read that contained the slightest bit of wisdom and grace were the ones written by the blogger herself. The rest were a bloody, uniformed conglomeration of hysterical rhetoric. Pretty much the equivelant of a witch hunt.
Be strong and godspeed to you blog writer!!!!

jonmom940 said...

Why do you feel the need to cause pain? As Thumper's mom said, " if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. Until you walk this path, shut your mouth. Sex offenders mom & proud of my son.