Tuesday, February 21, 2012

everyday courage

My husband thought--and still thinks--about suicide. He thought that with him gone, our family would never have to face public humiliation, never have to deal with the restrictions of the sex offender registry, never have to visit him in prison. What we would have had to deal with, though, would have been much worse. He can come back from prison; there is no coming back from death.

A friend told me that her husband also contemplated suicide but when he realized that his suicide would increase the possibility of his children committing suicide at some point, he made the decision for life.
A first-degree relative -- a parent, sibling or child -- of a person who has committed suicide is four to six times more likely to attempt or complete a suicide...
 I watch my husband get out of bed every day, do what needs to be done, even though he thought death was a better place for him. Every day. That is courage. He was--and still is--facing the unknown. Every day, he does something that tells me he is serious about staying with us, serious about leaving porn behind. He attends therapy sessions, 12-step meetings, he reads books about sexual addiction and recovery, he continues to be husband and father. Is he perfect? Nope. Not even close. Am I? Nope. Not even close.

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